They might bring you gifts, help with chores, or bless you with cheer on Christmas - or they might, and I am NOT making this up...
Go into a goblin rage because you slighted them and brutally and bloodily murder you and your entire family as you sleep, leaving the messy crime scene and your still twitching innards strung up as a warning to other families who don't make with the bowl of milk.
Wow, Coy you are so going to get lots of hate mail for this one.
Let's see you got some guy was nailed to a couple of 2x4's and left propped up like the world's bleediest Scarecrow, Drowning of children, Beating of the wife, and obviously your very own explanation of the burning of the Yule. I so hope none of my family accidently used a mouse back in the day. hehe
You sure are trying to go out with a bang aren't you? Merry Christmas everyone.
HA! Sorry Wenchy, but that's the actual Yule log. Ghost stories and bad omens were a HUGE part of the Christmas tradition. I even left out that everyone gathered around the Yule Log, and if your shadow looked like it didn't have a head?
I'm really not sure where to even start... that entire read was so full of win that words are pretty much useless in attempting to honor it. Now, I don't mean to ride the virtual jock but seriously.. Allow me to recap the winning points..
1) Little Billy Rickets.. *snicker* your soo gonna burn for that one hahaha
2) Bitch slapping Beatrice..
3) Twitching innards strung up by salty Elves
4) Pox filled blankets..
On a serious note.. I'm not sure what your doing when you stop writing this blog but if it's not something of a similar nature it would be a damn shame and a disservice to the sheep of the world, like myself, that just need a good laugh to make it through the day. I've found few authors with a sense of humor that matches my own, let alone posses the ability to translate it to the written word. You sir are a Ceasar in the literary world..
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"That is strength, boy! That is power! What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste. Contemplate this on the tree of woe. Crucify him!"
I agree with Bansaw. It is an evil sin to deny us your witty writing so since you're abandoning us, you better be writing a book or something and you better let us all know where to find it so that we can still get our Coyote fix.
HA! Sorry Wenchy, but that's the actual Yule log. Ghost stories and bad omens were a HUGE part of the Christmas tradition. I even left out that everyone gathered around the Yule Log, and if your shadow looked like it didn't have a head?
You were going to die before NEXT christmas.
'Tis the season to be Jolly!
Oh I know that's the actual story of the Yule log I'm talking about your comedic add-ins like using a mouse or hardened dust bunnies. Still bet your gonna get hate mail on it
You forgot to mention that Santa was originally a dude who would leave "gifts" in your dirty shoes and socks that you left outside your door and would sometimes be stolen so you had no shoes or socks, and that actually getting coal in your stocking at that time was a GOOD thing.
Of course, at the time they lacked Higbee's Dept. stores and Red Ryder BB Guns and a little thing called heat, so y'know, it's all good.
Merry Christkwanzhanukaramadanyule to the whole Coyote clan.
And an extra special Happy Birthday to Momma Coy, from myself and Taea (who doesn't wish to mess up her 2,000 post count... she's slightly obsessive compulsive).
Today is my Mother's birthday - and I will pass on the message of well wishes, thank you
But not until tomorrow. You see, there is an old legend along the lines of satanic elves (elfs for Dar) and Yule Logs, that people who are born on Christmas Eve turn into ghosts if they don't count the holes in a sieve all night. And while this is silly...
I'm still frightened to death that she's going to go all "Librarian from Ghostbusters" on me.
So..ya know. Tomorrow.
Oh and wenchy? LOTS of mail about Scarecrow Jesus so far.
One teeny point. The crucification thing, thats easter I think, not christmas.
That aside, bravo sir, BRAVO!
The whole happy holiday, PC crap really annoys me. Christmas is about Santa giving me pressies and the baby jesus, even though I think all religions are intrinsically evil, I will defend the right to call it christmas and not some other stupid made up name!
It bugs the utter hell outa me that we are meant to respect every other religions frigging special days, but anything related to christianity is shoved to the back of the cupboard in case it embarasses anyone. It's also slightly annoying that christian type beliefs are mocked openly but the other ones, especially Islam, are left well alone.
All should be mocked equally imo. Ok thats enough of my ranting.
I should point out again, I dont consider myself a christian, I dont believe in god, I DO believe in Santa tho!
Coyote Humor: The TRUE meaning of Christmas
(who doesn't wish to mess up her 2,000 post count... she's slightly obsessive compulsive).
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