People always feel the need to remind me that zombies aren't real. That the human body cannot come back to life like the Frankenstein Monster, that it is impossible for dead flesh to move on its own, and that my constant vigilance in preparing for the inevitable infestation is a waste of both time and money.
And these are going to be the first f***ers bitten.
I thank all of them in advance for sacrificing themselves so those of us who do believe will survive longer. Not real....honestly! Do some research! There are dozens of documented outbreaks.
I bet if we were to travel to that isolated town in Peru.. it would be gone.. no trace at all. *poof* vanished. Why you ask? Just like Coyote said.. it was covered up! Once the first attacks were reported after stage 2 kicked in a squadron of F-18 Super hornets came in hot and super heated the entire kill box.
But they can't cover up every thing.. you can't stop the pure awesomeness of a midget in life, you certainly can't stop one in death! behold... witness..
"That is strength, boy! That is power! What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste. Contemplate this on the tree of woe. Crucify him!"
Anybody who thinks a zombie apocalypse can't happen just isn't familiar with modern science.
There's several ways it really honest-to-goodness could happen, but a quick and dirty example is Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. It was discovered in the 1920's, and was very rare, and usually genetic. However, there's a new variant of CJD referred to as nvCJD, that's linked to the same infection that causes mad cow disease.
If you get it, the symptoms are:
... rapidly progressive dementia, leading to memory loss, personality changes and hallucinations. This is accompanied by physical problems such as speech impairment, jerky movements (myoclonus), balance and coordination dysfunction (ataxia), changes in gait, rigid posture, and seizures.
Oh, and by the way, they have to keep CJD patients on medications to control their aggressive behaviors, while the disease, quite literally, rots their brain from the inside.
If that's not a zombie, I don't know what is. Maybe they're not TEXTBOOK dead - but shambling, groaning, violent, decomposing, looks-like-your-spouse-but-just-isn't-anymore abominations to god and man? Oh, they've got that down. And it's caused by A CONTAGIOUS DISEASE - one there's no cure for. Sure, we've managed to keep it in check so far, but part of the reason Mad Cow was such a big deal was that it constantly mutates, and was nearly impossible to stay ahead of.
If you ask me, it's only a matter of time before we end up with a variant of CJD that can be transmitted by bite - and at that point, it's full on zombie apocalypse.
You know what's not fair? I write an amazing article, but no one reads it because Coyote's thread keeps my thread buried on this forum. And he is funnier. And he writes better. And he inserts pictures of boobs. And the zombiepocalypse is more interesting that whatever it is I have to say.
QQ,
Danny
PS. JenSweet, your new sig is nice in that it uses a quote from Firefly. It's unsettling because it makes me imagine Summer Glau's character with an axe.
Coyote Humor: Zombies aren't real...right?
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